Humbled and Blessed

Im back to work today after being off work since June 8th. I admit that it was nice to be off work. It wasn't quite the way that I was hoping to spend my vacation hours, but I'm thankful that I had them.

On June 8th, I flexed my "mighty" heart muscle and broke my lead wire to my defibulator. Unfortunately, the "fix" required surgery. They had to laser the broken one out and put a new one in. While they were going to be in there anyway, they decided to put in a new defibulator. This broken wire and defibulator were only two years old. It should have lasted 5-7 years. The Doctor said it was a "fluke" that it broke. I don't believe in coincidences or luck. God had a reason for the break. I don't know the reason, but He does and ultimately I trust Him.

This was my 8th heart surgery. They have all been challenging in different ways. This one I think has been the hardest. The strange thing is...it was the safest one! I was in the least amount of danger. My heart was great, it was just my device that was malfunctioning.

I know that the frustration stems from still dealing with the physical and financial burden that two years ago brought. Another surgery just seemed overbearing. I didn't have the energy to be strong, or to see the good in what God was doing. Honestly, I just didn't want to. I was tired. I feel like I get knocked down and I get back up again, to just get knocked down again....and again....and again and again. So I have to know... what am i fighting for? (coincidently, I believe that is a song that I really like.....hmmm strange!)

The answer: The salvation of those around me. That answer sounds cliche' but it's true. It's not about me. It involves me, I'm a part of it, but it's not about me. It's all about living in this sinful world, dealing with all the gunk and junk, and share the love of Christ. We are on this earth to bless Him. I want my life to be a blessing to Jesus Christ!

I have been humbled and blessed this time around. My family has set up several fundraisers to help the burden that we are carrying. It's nobody's burden but ours, but family, friends and friends of my family have put forth donations that have truely blessed us. We don't know how to show our gratitude. Thank you for your sacrifice and gifts. I pray that God blesses you ten fold.

We continue to press on and live life. I'm enjoying my little fritter. She is 2 1/2and growing everyday. She makes me smile. She loves to laugh and play and be with both her mommy and daddy. I have the greatest husband God could have ever given me. We stand together in Christ and he is my best friend. My family and friends love me unconditionally and that means so much to me.

Thank you to everyone!!!!